We took a challenge to not have any self talk that was negative for 30 days. I'm pretty sure I don't have to give examples here. I challenge you to try it for one day. One day of being mindful of your negative self talk and replacing it with F**k it, I rock!
“Baby Don’t Cry”
As I was taking the subway to class this morning at 6 am, hey-yo, I was thinking how I was on Day 7 of being caffeine, alcohol and nicotine free. Wow, awwwsome! Then it got me thinking to when was the last time my body had been completely drug free, including medication. That would be the age of 14. Ever since then my body has depended or deliberately taken some sort of drug. Wow. That’s more than half my life, hey-yo.
The class started with meditation, as we do every morning and it turned out to be the worst session ever. I could not sit still nor have a still thought and felt agitated as the chronic pain in my right shoulder started inviting me to notice its presence. This didn’t stop me from turning the creases of my lips upwards to try and trick my brain into believing I was happy and also genuinely I was also just trying to just be happy.
I’ve been doing this “smile for myself” thing pretty much everyday since I got here. A slight smile, something I used to do a lot more when I used to practice Bikram hot yoga. Cause really why do we share so many smiles with others but rarely, if not ever, look at ourselves and smile and just keep it there?
As the day kept going, so did the pain. During our afternoon yoga class I ended having a one arm yoga practice and the pain started affecting my stomach reaaaally bad. I just lied there at the end of the class with a yoga block jabbing into my shoulder trying to break down the pain. Ya like that’s going to help for more than a few seconds worth of relief.
Then I just let everything go including the outer creases of my lips that suddenly dropped and turned upside down as intense sadness, anger and frustration raged through. The pain was no longer solely isolated to my physical being, all of me felt the pain. I turned my head to one side and felt my pool of sweat to now be a pool of pain that I was lying in. The teacher knelt beside me and as she brushed my bangs away from my forehead she looked at me with such eyes of compassion. A tear rolled down the corner of my eye joining my drenched face covered with tears of sweat.
Sitting through two more hours of class with the relentless burning fiery pain, I finally took the decision that one week being free of any type of stimulant, depressants, pain maskers, drugs was what it was going to be -awesome in itself. And so the T3 reduced my constant pain from an 8.5 to a 4.5.
I’m hopeful it won’t take another few decades to feel drug free again.
“Better days”
4 Comments
Comments RSS TrackBack Identifier URI
ninjawitch.com 
sending positive energy & a warm hug your way, sister. xo
m-e-r-c-i! I receive it with gratefulness. =)
hey sophie!!
loving this blog.
i want to get through one day with no negative self-talk! ha!
xo,
lisa moore in winnipeg
it’s crazy how automatic and ingrained it can be in us. It’s a nice feeling to know you’re enjoying the reads =:)