Day 25 -Moksha Yoga Teacher Training

I’ve indulged in video montage passion tonight and lost track of time, so super fast blog here I go.

I was filled with emotions today. I felt strong anger surface most of the day. Was weird, and awkward to have my parasympathetic nervous system take the curb so quickly having my sympathetic (fight or flight) take over in such a peaceful zen place.

As I’ve previously shared, I feel more connected with what is going on in my body since I removed the caffeine, wine and nicotine out of my system. Someone in class used an interesting analogy when she was talking about raw food, referring to it as cleaning your antenna, good one! So this clear reception was loud and incoming.

The message: pushed learning via anxiety is a bad idea pour moi. Not into it, at all. It makes me angry, bitter and not so sweet. I couldn’t let go of it, I tried. I expressed my emotions with a few people around me to try and channel it out, I thought how much this day would not matter in a month or year from now, I tried to go to my happy place (in this case it was gymnastics), I practiced yoga and deep breathing, nothing worked.

This presentation I had to give became my nemesis.  It even affected my practice teaching whereas the experienced teacher giving feedback after class said: I sensed you were really tense while you were teaching, perhaps nerve? she ask. I replied: “no, anger”. People laughed.

TO snapped

Apparently the presentation went ok. I wouldn’t really know, my anxiety made the whole experience a blur.

Give me an angry customer, I’ll deal with the situation no questions asked, give me a line of riot cops, I’ll approach them peacefully with no hesitation, give me students to teach for the first time and I’ll give it a try even with a slight smile in my voice, give me a crowd of peaceful yogis and a 10 minute presentation to give and I want nothing to do with it.

I’m not a public speaker by choice and this has become clear to me. And if I were to become one, it would start with baby steps and a whole crowd of 2. And this letting go thing I need to master? Obviously no baby steps made there yet.